So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
