i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
one two three fourrrrnication!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
