so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
