Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
