I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
