Moan for me like Helen Keller
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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