so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
