Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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