she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
