She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
