I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
