He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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