So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
