Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
