I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
