i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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