Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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