Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
