Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
