Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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