What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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