I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
