She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
