Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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