I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
