He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
