i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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