just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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