I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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