You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
