So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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