you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize