Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize