His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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