Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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