i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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