Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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