they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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