I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize