Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
