i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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