I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
