1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize