I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
