Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize