My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
