My room smells like vodka and shame
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
