Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
