I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
