she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
