how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
