The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
