I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When are your genitals available?
We're too hungover to prance.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
