She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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