I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
