Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
