you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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