carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
