I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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