she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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