Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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