we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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