I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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