party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
