Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
