East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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