the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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