You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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