you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
