i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
