i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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