is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He passed out mid-signature
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
