I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
